A Sacrificial Love

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)

A struggling couple sought their pastor's counsel and help to navigate a trying period in their relationship. Upon arriving at his office, the wife complained incessantly that her husband no longer loved her as he once did, while he retorted by asking how he could love a woman who no longer respected him. The confrontation was heated; neither was willing to yield. After listening to their arguments, the pastor asked if they loved each other. Both claimed to love the other but felt they were receiving nothing in return.

The real problem lay in the fact that each was waiting to receive what they desired from the other before giving what was expected of them. This is a common issue in many relationships: the husband demands respect before offering love, while the wife insists on love before showing respect. Once caught in this cycle, it becomes difficult—though not impossible—to break free. When Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church—going so far as to give Himself up for her—he does not mean a man must sacrifice himself on a cross, but rather that he must love with a spirit of sacrifice. This means loving without expecting anything in return. Instead of reacting to his wife's lack of respect, it is better to sit down and talk with her, even if her words cut like a double-edged sword.

A husband's true sacrifice lies in constantly seeking to understand his wife's emotions—and even her whims—since women sometimes tend to react based on their emotions in the moment. This can negatively affect the husband's attitude if he does not know how to respond. A spirit of sacrifice should help you ask her direct questions and show submission [to the needs of the relationship] rather than snapping back. True love, like Christ’s, does not focus on emotions; it loves unconditionally and always forgives. If Christ’s love did not include forgiveness, you and I would not be at peace with God. Your love for your wife must go beyond mere thoughts to reach the dimension of sacrifice.

May the grace and peace of God be with you.